I'm such a dumb ass.  I have looked online for freaking George forever tonight.  I just want to add him to my myspace.  But I can't remember his last name for the life of me.  I feel like a loser.  Doubt he's ever looked for my myspace.  I have to remind myself of that one time at that one event when that one guy said that one thing.  Yeah, that makes me feel better.  Well sort of.

Here's some advice for you.  advise.  advice.  Whichever it is.  If you're feelin nosey and want to look up you're man's ex-girlfriend DON'T DO IT!  It will only end up bad!  No good will come of it.  I am a worse person for it and would have preferred to have never seen it.  But alas, I am nosey so I spied.

I want what she has.  Dana.  Bonnie.  Lindsay.  Tara.  Becky.  Melissa.  Carrie.  Miranda.  Samantha.  Charlotte.

One day you'll be sorry.  One day when you're free.  Memories will remind you that our love was meant to be.  Late at night when you call my name the only sound you'll hear, is the sound of your voice calling, calling out to me.  Throwing it all away.

I'm moving out of my dad's house.  I can't allow him to have the control he wants to have in my life and in my choices.  He can't put those kind of extreme limitations on me.  So my only choice is to move in with mom permanently.  I don't want to do it.  I am just too old for that.  He is so stubborn.  I hate that he is unable to see anyone else's perspective than his own.  And it's not like I get in trouble often, hardly ever.  But I mess up once and he tries to put an OBSCENE curfew on me for an incredibly long amount of time.  He needs to learn a lesson on "the punishment should fit the crime."  I can't let you do that dad.

Is anyone looking for a job?

Well my work is looking for a RESPONSIBLE and INTELLEGENT (at least average, I mean come ON) person to fill the position of file clerk.  It pays around $7.50 an hour (crappy, I know, but I am still there).  They would like you to at least work around 20 hours a week, but schedules are extremely flexible.  While they would prefer you to work during regular business hours, I have worked many evenings and weekend days.  So if you are interested, hit me back, or just call:

Law Offices of Hanna, Brophy, McAleer, MacLean & Jensen (951) 779-9415.  Ask for Kumar or Katherine about the File Clerk position.

It happened.  All the sudden, I could sense it.  Brought back a smell that I am familiar with.  The smell of FALL.  It smells like school starting again.  It smells like my heart breaking.  It smells like Halloween and Mike.  It smells like an incredible amount of pain from losing loved ones.  It smells like my lonely mom crying.  It smells like costumes and Halloween.  I wonder what this FALL will smell like.  I anticipate it greatly.

My dad pointed out to me something I had never realized before.  Eternity is something that you get to experience when you die if you accept Jesus's gift.  Right?  NO!  Eternity is NOW.  Eternity is before I was born.  Eternity is yesterday and it will be tomorrow.  We should be living lives now in the way we plan to live it in the presence of God.  Or we should at least be living with that in mind.  There are really only three bottom-line things that should matter to any of us.  God, Me, and Evil.  Everything can fit under one of those three categories.  To know the difference in these is what I pray for.

I am so weak.  I'm going back there this weekend.  I know I probably shouldn't.  But it's his daughter's birthday.  It's going to be different this time.  This is not easy for me.  I can't just leave it alone.  Some incredible force always draws me back.  God?  Me?  Evil?  God?  Guess I can't know for sure, can I.

There's gotta be something more than this.  I am so bored!  Everyday I come home after work and I watch TV.  Some days I am not even motivated enough to microwave some food.  I don't even get hungry past 3:00 p.m. anymore.  What is wrong with me?  I could go out, I just don't really feel like it.  Am I depressed?  I don't think so.  I'm definately lonely.  So what should I do?  I'm sick of this same ol' boring routine.  I need some excitement dangett.  I would sleep and watch TV all day long if I didn't have to go to work.  Something is missing.  And I probably won't ever get it back.  So my goal should be to replace what is missing.  Wait for it...wait for it...NOW